LET ME IN!!!

I have often said that "God had to trick me to learn ASL, but I'm SOOO GLAD He did!!!"  That rings true as much now, maybe more so, than ever before!  I have to thank a few more people, though!  I have just submitted my paperwork and video essay for admission to Gallaudet University's Hearing UnderGrad program in the fall of 2013.  I must say, I am nervous about my chances of being accepted, but I HAD to apply!!!  I would rather be denied than not have tried!  I must thank Jon Vaughan and Kari Olney for writing recommendations for me!  ( I think so anyway, I didn't actually read the contents of them.)  I also thank Kari for recording my video essay which I may have the guts to post at some point.  YOU ROCK DEAF MOM!!!  I also have to thank Zims and the Cool Crazy Chica for helping me prepare for my video essay.  Ladies, I know you felt like I was too hard on myself, but I REALLY DO appreciate your help!!!  And I can't forget my signer friends and each of you who reads this blog.  I REALLY want your comments on this post...good, bad, or ugly!!! (Don't worry, I added most of the exclamation points and caps for the blog version.  YOU KNOW HOW I ROLL!!!)  And I will let you know the decision, accepted or denied.  Here is my written admissions essay.  You know I tend to be wordy, so it's gonna take a few minutes to read.  Let's dive right in, shall we!

Persistence!  Passion!  Loyalty!  If the question is what qualifies me to be a Hearing UnderGrad student at Gallaudet University, then these three qualities are my answer in true Jeopardy fashion.  When I read the email informing me this was to be my topic, I immediately thought of my persistence.  Passion followed within a few seconds, maybe even a minute or 2 later.  But, I needed a third.  I remember that a true essay or composition must have at least three body paragraphs.  Plus, three gives it a feel of completion.  It took all of several minutes, maybe 5 or so, for me to think of loyalty.  I'm not sure why, because my persistence and passion for ASL and connecting with the Deaf Community are unrivaled in comparison to other areas of my life.  However, loyalty, seemingly permeates every corner of my existence.  Enough with the introduction.

When I began learning ASL, I had no idea how fast I would learn the language.  I knew it was an entirely different language than English with a different grammatical structure.  My only ASL knowledge was the alphabet and a few other signs.  In the 3 years since my ASL birthday (September 20, 2009 was my first ASL class), I have struggled to learn ASL.  I remember sitting in class being completely lost as to what my teacher was saying and everyone else was laughing at her story.  Yet, as far as I know, I am the only one of that class who is still deeply involved in the Deaf Community.  I was also the only one to never miss a class that semester.  And my teacher has become my good friend.  I have friends with a smaller vocabulary of signs, yet they communicate better than me because they are more visually oriented.  Yet, I persist.  At this point, I socialize almost exclusively with signers.  Though I know that I will be in positions where I am left out of the conversation because of my sign skills, I persist.  Why, you ask?  That would lead me to explain my passion.

I consider myself to be a person of only a few, yet deeply held, passions.  Of course, ASL/the Deaf Community/Gallaudet University is also a passion.  For me, those three things are inseparable.  You must understand why I started to learn ASL to fully understand my passion for it.  I had no desire to learn ASL before meeting Kari Olney who had just graduated from Gallaudet in the summer of 2009.  I found out she played basketball there and said we should play through an interpreter.  Realizing I could not trash talk her, I decided to take her ASL class to learn how.  I ended up falling in love with ASL and the Deaf Community.  In the 2010-2011 season, I enjoyed volunteering as a timekeeper at several MSSD basketball games.  I enjoy helping Deaf members of my church become more involved.  I jumped at the opportunity Jon Vaughan, head Gallaudet athletic trainer, gave me to volunteer at the sports camp this summer.  I then continued when Mariko Kobanawa, another athletic trainer, said I could stay on during the school year.  It was actually a little bittersweet when I became a paid staff member in the same position.  Why?  Because there is something so freeing about doing something because you love it and for no other reason!  I LOVE my my job, though it's part time and minimum wage.  I loved it when I was a volunteer!  I love blogging about my ASL experiences, including, maybe particularly, the AWKWARD ones.  I refer to signers as "my people".  I have enjoyed studying Deaf Culture in the Merrill Learning Center over the last several months.  And I love the idea of going to Gallaudet University and majoring in PE with minors in Athletic Coaching and Deaf Studies.  What can better prepare me to coach hearing and Deaf kids together to help build bridges between the Deaf Community and the hearing world.  All of this because of passion and I HAVEN'T REALLY EVEN GOTTEN STARTED, YET!!!  How do you know this is NOT a passing phase?  Besides the fact that I am persistent when faced with obstacles, I am INTENSELY LOYAL!!!

I persist with my ASL because of my passion.  However, I am not a particularly persistent or passionate person in most areas of my life besides ASL/Deaf Culture.  Loyalty seems to ooze from every cell in my body, however.  At 34, I have only ever had one NFL team, the Redskins.  That has been for more than 25 years.  I grew up in New Carrollton, Md and still don't like to mention the city that was our Boys and Girls Club arch rival.  I pride myself on helping my friends and am disappointed in myself when I fail to do so, even if they don't think I did anything wrong.  I have NOTHING without my loyalty!!!  I can't imagine my life now without the Deaf Community.  My goals in terms of career and ministry have been altered in large and small ways, because the Deaf Community is now the focus.  My blood runs BUFF AND BLUE!!!  I have supported Gally athletics beginning with Pink Day in 2010.  I even try to get my friends (mostly Gallaudet graduates and students) to join me at games.  A lot of good things have happened recently at Gallaudet, for instance a new dorm utilizing Deaf Space.  I see a lot of good things to come, such as using the parking lot across 6th St. to meet student's food needs while connecting with the larger community.  No matter what though, as with my beloved Redskins, my loyalty remains through good and bad.

So there it is.  My answer as to why I am qualified to be a Hearing UnderGrad student at Gallaudet University.  I do realize that my story and perspectives may not be the norm.  My point exactly!  I have something unique to offer.  My support for Galladuet will not waver, regardless of the outcome.  Hopefully, you will also realize my admission will best prepare me to continue to give back to Gallaudet University and the Deaf Community at large.

Bittersweet

I'm generally not a fan of change.  My motto is "If I don't think it's broke, don't fix it."  Even I, however, welcome change in certain situations!  I am at the end of a weekend in which both Saturday and Sunday were marked by a "Hello" and a "Goodbye".  Each was bittersweet.  Saturday was more bitter... though that particular change will undoubtedly have some sweet results.  The "Goodbye" was completely unexpected.  Sunday's change was more on the sweet side, but a bit bitter also.

Saturday, I went to pick up Zims.  We went to her aunt and uncle's house and she retrieved a loan check she had mailed to the address.  She got a bit of a surprise that I may have to mention later.  We then picked up Asia and headed to Chantilly, Va where Zims finalized the purchase of a Honda CRV.  A new beginning that was only necessary because her white Ford Taurus wagon came to it's unfortunate end in an accident.  The wagon is irreplaceable!!!  I know the CRV will earn it's own set of memories.  It's just hard to say "Goodbye" to the wagon!!!  More about the wagon in an upcoming blog post.

Many of my signer friends know I've been volunteering with the Gallaudet University athletic training staff since August.  I jokingly refer to myself as the "watergirl" because much of what I do revolves around keeping our athletes hydrated.  It's not about my specific role, but that I get to be in a Deaf environment and around athletes.  I LOVE IT!!! I don't HAVE TO do it, I GET TO do it!!!  Today, I was offered and accepted the opportunity to continue with pay!!!  It's part time and the pay is low, but SO WHAT!!!  I don't want to sound unappreciative, but it is a bit bitter.  Why, you ask?!?   Because there is something so freeing about doing something because you love it and for no other reason!!!  Don't get me wrong, I DO look forward to being an official Gallaudet employee!  I plan to apply for the Hearing Undergrad program in fall 2013, anyway.  (Most people go to school at a university, THEN work there.  You KNOW I gotta be backwards!!!)  I DO wanna work there.  It's AWESOME to be offered pay for something you happily did for free.  It IS sweet, however it's a bit bitter also.

WHAT A WEEKEND!!!  TALKIN ABOUT MIXED EMOTIONS! Yes, I have realized for quite some time that change is inevitable...and even good sometimes.  Personally a car accident led me to go on a missions trip which led me to join a small group which led me to meet Kari Olney who became my good friend and ASL teacher.  It changed the direction of my life and I will take what I have now over my car in a heartbeat...though I LOVED that car!!!  I DON'T want this to be a downer!  My point however (I do try to occasionally have a point) is that it would be insincere to pretend that even a sweet change can't be a bit bitter.

DON'T TALK TO ME!!!

"Sign, Nita sign".  If I only had a million bucks for every time Zims said that to me!  (Everyone says they want a nickel or a dollar every time something happens.  BIG NITA is going BIG!!!)  This chick is on my back when I start talking around Deaf* people!  Here is the story that inspired this post.

It was early May and a group of us were on campus celebrating with a friend who had been a part of Gally's interpreter development program for the last year.  She was now moving on and we were sending her off.  As I recall, I hadn't actually offended (spoken) that day, but Zims took the opportunity to scold me anyway.

The festivities were not quite underway yet.  A few of us were sitting at one of the tables.  We were in the picnic area behind SAC.  Not sure how she jumped into her verbal lashing.  (Ok, it wasn't that bad, but I gotta give her crap.  It's just how we communicate with each other.)   I DO remember her saying that when we sign, everyone is happy.  (I don't think that applies to MY ASL, personally.)  When I speak, some people feel left out.  Then she demonstrated. She used our friend Asia who was sitting at the table because we needed a Deaf person to test this on.  She asked me a question verbally and had Asia try to read my lips when I answered.  She couldn't figure out what I said,

One could say that maybe for some reason it's hard for people, or Asia specifically, to read my lips.  I've also seen in different resources that even the best speech readers can only pick up about 30% of what is being said.  I don't wish to (or feel qualified to) get sidetracked by these points.  (See, I can contol my ADHD...occasionally.)  Z made her point loud and clear (no pun intended).  It's relatively easy for me as a fairly new signer (3 years) and a slow ASL learner to resort to speaking with someone who also speaks, whether they are deaf, hard of hearing, or hearing, when I am in a group that includes Deaf people.  I HAVE gotten better.  At least when she's around cuz she hasn't scolded me again.  The temptation, however, remains. 

So, Z is right.  Not just for cultural and communication considerations, but also for the sake of improving my ASL.  As much as I LOVE signing and more importantly connecting with the Deaf Community, ASL is difficult, often awkward, and sometimes downright frustrating to me.  I must IMMEDIATELY follow that by saying it is ABSOLUTELY WORTH IT!!!  I'M ALL IN!!!  I need your help here.  Don't let me backslide in this area.  Hold me accountable.  When I am in a group that includes Deaf people, please DON'T TALK TO ME!!!  At least when Zims is around...And if I DO slip up, please DON'T TELL ZIMS!!!  (It's all in love, Z!)

*For the sake of this blog, I am using deaf in a strictly physical sense as in deaf or hearing and Deaf in reference to deaf people who communicate primarily or exclusively through ASL.  I DO realize that this is an oversimplification of those terms.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED...sort of (Part 2)

So, I did it!  I took the plunge.  No, I didn't get married.  Don't worry, there's not some guy who is condemned to suffer through my quirks and ADHD for the rest of his life...yet.  I mean I signed the song during church. 

I did a duet with Kari.  One of my friends was going to record it on her phone, but arrived just as we finished the song.  Kari and I arrived early so we could practice.  I realized that I wasn't prepared.  I knew the signs, but I didn't know the words well enough.  Who'da thunk my English would be more of a problem than my ASL?!  I'd met with Kari Tuesday when I picked the song I would perform and we practiced a bit.  The words were easy so I figured rehearsing right before service would be enough.  I think I planned to be able to look at the screen for the lyrics.  Now that I think about it, that was the WRONG attitude to have, anyway!  I should've done my best to prepare.  I think I did ok.

 A couple people congratulated me afterward.  I think Vondell had the most honest comment.  He said, "You looked like 'What am I doing up here?'"  So, I fulfilled my promise.  Even though I did it on the last day of 2011, it was a beginning, not an end.  See, the "sort of" in the title means this is just one step.  I know I will be challenged to do more.  One comment led me to start learning ASL when I asked Kari if she wanted to play basketball someday(see "Beginnings" post)  and opened my eyes to a different world.  One comment led me to take it to the next level (see MY BIG MOUTH post) and who knows what's next?!

MY BIG MOUTH (Part 1)

So, I admit it, I HAVE A BIG MOUTH!!!  No doubt it has gotten me into trouble.  Ever promise something and then wonder how it slipped out?!  Let me break it down.

It was the 2nd Saturday in November and the deaf people who likely would have come to Ebz for church were all on the Alpha retreat.  Elissa Macias had interpreter duty.  But there were no deaf people there!  She had to interpret anyway cuz the interpreter is on the sermon video.  She told me I could sign the songs if I wanted.  I refused but said I would sign ONE song in the month of December.  Not sure how those words escaped my lips.  My theories are that either she has some mind control powers or that she spiked my drink.  I'm open to suggestions of other possibilities.

It's New Years Eve just past midnight, the last possible day to fulfill my commitment.  The service starts in just under 17 hours.  I am planning to do a duet with Kari to the Newsboys sont "I am Free".  I couldn't have picked an easier song.  I must thank Kurtis for his song selection!  I asked Kari to join me in a duet because it has a call and response thing goin.  It's NOT because I am too nervous to do it alone.  At least that's what I tell myself...  I will lead and she will follow.  It's also fitting that I do this with my teacher and my Deaf Mom.  She will join me as I take this next step.  Everyone has been supportive: Kari, Heather (yes Crazy Golfer Chick from my "Those Kind of People" post), Esther, Julie, Elissa, Karen, Laura etc...I have given Kari the opportunity to release me from this obligation but she refused.  I'm actually not nervous, but a bit excited and looking forward to the challenge...for now.  I know my "friends" will continue to challenge me and I am GRATEFUL for that.  (Don't tell em I said that.)  Let ya know how it goes.  If I'd only kept my big mouth shut...By the way, Elissa showed true class and professionalism as she interpreted with excellence.  Or maybe that was just her mind control power that made me think that...

PS Interestingly enough, we had no deaf people in service today and I did NOT commit to signing any songs.  Maybe, I AM actually learning to keep my big mouth shut.  DOUBT IT!!!

Failure to Communicate

Ok, so I've got this problem.  Actually, it's just one of many.  For the sake of this story, I will just focus on one.  Maybe I'll save the others for a well-qualified professional therapist.  Anyway, the problem is a language barrier.

See, I started learning ASL just over 2 years ago.  I became conversational pretty quickly.  I often think my friends only understand my sign cuz they have the spiritual gift of interpretation.  That being said, I can usually make my point...and sometimes even understand others.  But what about when my friend is hurting?  Will I let my broken ASL be an excuse not to be supportive?!?  I was in that exact situation.

I saw a friend (I'll call her Lisa for this story) crying in a situation that should have been happy and festive.  I was leaving and another friend (I'll call her Christina) who rode with me was coming to get her coat from the car when we noticed Lisa crying.  When I asked her what was wrong, I only understood enough to ascertain that it was about two of her relatives.  Christina gave her a hug.  After Christina retrieved her coat, she said she would stay and talk to her.  Then I left.

Why didn't I offer to help my friend?  Part of it is my broken ASL.  Part of it is that I'm not particularly comfortable with those situations.  I take pride in supporting my friends, usually through chauffeuring or my wacky sense of humor.  I want them to feel comfortable talking to me...as long as they don't cry.  I firmly believe that the true test of friendship is helping your friends when they are down.  When I texted her later that night to apologize, she said she saw the concern on my face.  Maybe I didn't disappoint her, but I disappointed myself cuz I didn't uphold my own standards!  Even though I left her to be comforted by someone who she knows a lot better, has much better ASL, and is better with those situations, I failed.  Actually, I just didn't try!!!  I have a hard head and usually don't learn quickly from my mistakes.  I hope I've learned this lesson though-not to let a simple language barrier stop me from being a friend!!!

Those Kind of People

"Zims, what's wrong with your people?", I asked an unexpecting Heather Zimmerman a few days ago.  "My people, who are my people, Nita?", she responds.  "Hearing people", I reply.  I then recount the story which happened literally no more than a minute or 2 before I called her.

It was Saturday, March 31st and I had just finished volunteering with 3 friends at the 6th annual National Walk for Epilepsy which took place on the National Mall.  Michai is the one I know least well.  I have only actually met her a few times.  She is a big Louisville fan and was no doubt devastated when they lost to arch rival Kentucky that night in the NCAA Final Four.  She even got a cardinal painted on her face at the walk.  Next up is Heather Suhr or the Crazy Golfer Chick as I prefer to call her.  Her interests include: sharing the Gospel with primarily the underserved Deaf Community, Teddy time, and defending golf as a "sport".  She claims she doesn't talk trash, but has threatened me with her golf clubs on more than one occasion. (Check out her comment on my "Beginnings" post.)  Gotta say, I LOVE eliciting that response from her!  Last, but not least is Asia.  She is the Cool Crazy Chica or just Chica for short.  (Ok, so I've got a thing for nicknames.)  I can't believe I met this chick for the first time just over 3 weeks ago.  I find myself constantly using the word "AWESOME" in reference to her.  She's incredibly sensitive and a very talented artist.  She was heartbroken earlier that day when I told her not to worry about coming after she woke up late.  I thought it may not be worth it at that point and didn't want her to feel like she disappointed me.  She texted Zims who then called me saying Asia was really upset and wanted to come.  So, I texted her and told her to come on.  Good thing she texted Zims!!

So we had just turned left past Union Station near the taxi line when I saw a man I recognized on the other side of the street walking in the opposite direction.  He said, "I didn't know you deal with those kind of people."  I knew EXACTLY what he meant, but I asked, "What kind of people"?  He said, "deaf people".  (I guess this was the first time he saw me sign.)  I said, "They're my friends."  He said, "That's good, though."  I'm not sure if he was trying to save face or pat me on the back.  Maybe both.  Regardless of my ASL skills (or lack thereof) and my understanding of Deaf Culture (even less), it's only natural for me to hang out with signers.  Everyone I invited to volunteer that day is a signer.  Even more so than my passion to build bridges between hearing and Deaf people, I invited signers because they are my FRIENDS! This is the story I related to Zims minus the descriptions when I asked her what's  wrong with her people?

When this guy saw us signing and said he didn't know I "deal with those kind of people", it would be like telling a baller, "I didn't know you deal with athletes."  I don't "deal with" them for one.  They are my friends.  For two, they are not "those kind of people".  Yes, they are all deaf.  But I love them for who they are, not because or despite the fact that they are deaf!

Zims was, of course, taken back a bit by my asking her what's wrong with her people and saying her people are hearing people.  She said the only hearing person she knows is me.  I think she was taking a jab at me saying I was "culturally hearing" on the sly.  Anyway, my point, and yes I DO actually have one, is that what is usually meant as a compliment to me for my involvement with the Deaf Community (or really mostly just hangin with my friends) is usually a slap in the face to deaf people.  And worst of all, they may not even realize it at the time!!!

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